We are the Reason I'm Depressed

(A person whose opinion I respect has told me that this post comes off as me being self-righteous and condescending. I don't know how else to respond except to say that it I do not see myself as being more righteous than anyone else and I don't look down on anyone who disagrees with me. I've been on the opposite side of the climate change debate and I certainly don't think I was a bad person because of it. But, I'm glad that people cared enough about me to appeal to my understanding of Scripture and my logic to help me come to what I believe is a better understanding of things. That's what I am trying to do below).

I have said something about myself for years now that I'm no longer sure is true, and that is that I'm a relentless optimist. I always believe that we're going to figure our way out of the messes we make, and find a way to become better, kinder people. But, to come clean with all of you, after the experiences of 2020-2021, I'm struggling to hold on to my relentless optimism.

I think that Christians are, at their core, pro-life. And, I don't mean that in the sense of where someone stands on policies around abortion, but that people who follow Jesus would do anything they could to help people live - whether they are unborn people or elderly people, whether they are innocent toddlers or prodigal sons of death row, whether they are soliders in the U.S. Army or Muslims in the Middle-East, Christians want people to live so that they can have a chance at redemption.

I have been struggling with anger and grief over the past year over the realization that many Christians whom I love and respect have been willing to believe lies about the COVID-19 pandemic and the vaccines that were developed to end the pandemic. Rather than say, "Oh, hey, geez, 1-3% of people dying from an extremely transmissible disease is way too many people," some Christians were content to describe COVID-19 as a flu, to quote inaccurate statistics about its fatality rate, and some even laugh-face reacted to stories about people dying after refusing to believe COVID-19 was dangerous. Some even insulted my wife for being a nurse and saying that the pandemic is real and dangerous, and some mocked people for wearing masks, and, generally, acted about masks like spoiled children being asked by their parents to wear a jacket when it was cold outside. This has caused me immense grief. I have seen people get very sick and die from COVID. The death rate in the U.S. over the past year clearly shows how devastating the pandemic has been... and yet, many people whom I know love Jesus cannot seem to realize that this is serious. Jesus blessed us with scientists researching mRNA vaccines for decades who could put that research into action to give us a safe and effective vaccine so we could go back to a normal life... and people would rather find a YouTube doctor or a fringe Facebook post that backs up their fears about a vaccine than receive the blessing God has given us in the scientific and medical community that has researched and developed this vaccine.

All this makes me sad. It also makes me angry, but not so much at Christians, as at the sources of authority who have manipulated Christians into believing these dangerous lies. Many of the Christians who don't get the vaccine or don't wear masks are sincere, faithful followers of Jesus whom I love with all of my heart. Which makes the fact that we are so divided on something that seems so obvious to me even more distressing! And, my depression about the pandemic deepens when I think about another issue that is going to become more and more prominent every day of our lives in the years to come... climate change.

The United Nations released a report today on climate change and the future of our planet. It makes clear that human activity is a driving force behind the climate changes we are experiencing, and outlines what needs to happen to arrest those changes and save our planet. I was reminded of a great article from Jesus-lover and Scientist, Dr. Richard Lindroth, of BioLogos, on what we need to know about climate change. Dr. Lindroth, who very kindly did an interview with me last summer, shares about our need to embrace strategies that require mitigation, adaptation and suffering, saying that if we do enough mitigation and adaptation, we can reduce the amount of suffering that we all have to experience. BioLogos has many great writers on this subject, who talk about how to frame conversations on climate change, about why Christians should care about climate change, and what practical things we can do to help with climate change. I love BioLogos because the scientists who write here are believers in Jesus. They are not part of some Marxist/Socialist plot to take over world. They care about human life, human souls, and the planet God has given humans to steward.

I have felt for the past 18 months that the pandemic is a preview of how we will handle the climate change crisis. Many of us will take it seriously. We will try to listen to the government and experts on the sacrifices we can make to help. We will think about the precious sanctity of human life and try to do what we can to protect and preserve the planet that sustains that life. I hope I can be part of this group. But, some of the rest of us will continue to doubt scientists, and I fear I may find myself in this group. We will find scientists outside the consensus of the scientific community who say what our itching ears want to hear. We will refuse to hear the earnest plea of Christians who are scientists who ask us to see the theological and Biblical reasons to care about climate change. We will dismiss stories of climate change natural disasters, climate change refugees, and climate change-related causes for things like pandemics, famines and building collapses out of a desire to ignore the evidence staring us in the face that the planet is being negatively affected by human activity that we can change. Many of us will say, "The planet has always experienced change, this is nothing new," instead of saying, "If there is anything we can do that can possibly help save human lives, please tell me what it is, and I will do it." We will do so without intent to hurt anyone, but also without a sincere desire to have our beliefs challenged by scientists who understand the data and have spent lifetimes studying what it means (I am not one of these scientists, just to clarify).

Instead of being depressed about this, I know what I need to do. I need to work on my conservation habits. I need to eat less meat, ride my bike to work, go on fewer long trips, and do all I can to reduce my carbon footprint. But, the reason why the pandemic was so divisive is the same reason I'm experiencing apathy about doing things to combat climate change - this only works if at least 75-80% of us are on the same team, pulling in the same direction. If 40-50% of us can't even admit that there is a game being played, so-to-speak, we are all going to lose. THAT'S why people are angry when we don't wear our masks when asked to do so, and when we cite personal freedom (which, of course, we have freedom to do what endangers others) as our reason for not getting vaccinated. We are telling people that we are not on the team, and, in fact, we are playing for the opposing team. The same reality is going to take place with climate change, and I just don't know what is going to change that reality. THAT'S why I'm depressed about the pandemic and climate change.

So, I'm going to start small... if someone told me that I could cut my meat consumption by 40% and give Elliot and Auggie, our two toddler sons, a less dangerous future, I'd do it in a heart-beat. If someone told me that by riding my bike to work, I could save a child I'll never meet in an island nation threatened by rising sea levels, I'd do it without a second-thought. Now, I know that my small decisions don't have that power... we ALL will have to make sacrifices, together, as a team. But, if I want to be a relentless optimist, if I want to be a pro-life Christian, I need to worry about me doing what I can, first.

If you have read this, thank you. If you are still skeptical about climate change, please check out Skeptical Science which is a website designed to help those who are skeptical work through their questions and concerns. If you are interested in seeing how faith and science work together to glorify God, PLEASE visit BioLogos's website. Google practical ways that we can all help with Climate Change.

Books for Fans of the Lord of the Rings

My family and I have always been huge fans of the Lord of the Rings, as an exciting story, with rich and memorable characters, set in a world built with amazing depth, and filled with themes that inspire us to be better people. The only problem is that after you finish reading everything that Tolkien wrote, you wish someone else could write something similar. So, I've been searching my whole life for similar efforts by other authors, and I thought I would create an ongoing list of those resources which I have read and enjoyed.

1. The Chronicles of Narnia - C.S. Lewis (Ages 9+)
I'm sure Tolkien was appalled by Lewis's use of allegory and somewhat haphazard world-building attempts, but I don't think any collection gave my imagination more scope and inspired me to be a better human being like the LOTR did more than Lewis's.

2. The Space Trilogy - C.S. Lewis (Ages 13+)
There is a brief moment where in Lewis's final work of this Trilogy, That Hideous Strength, he briefly makes the book a crossover with the LOTR. I imagine Tolkien didn't love that, but Lewis does a better job world(s)-building here, and his ideas, as always, are born of unparalleled genius.

3. Watership Down - Richard Adams (Ages 9+)
Who would believe that a book about rabbits would have such amazing world-building and be full of characters that inspire one to be a more courageous and noble human being? There is also a book called "Tales from Watership Down" that is well worth reading.
4. Time Quintet - Madeline Le'Engle (Ages 14+)
I would skip "An Acceptable Time" the concluding effort to this series, but there is a depth and resonance to this series that reminds me of the Lord of the Rings. It can also get creepy when needed, which is an underrated aspect of the LOTR.
5. Series of Unfortunate Events - Lemony Snicket (Ages 11+)
Somewhat a satire, somewhat a fantasy, somewhat a mystery, Series of Unfortunate Events surprises you how it sucks you into its world and makes you feel immensely for its characters.
6. The Pendragon Cycle - Stephen Lawhead (Ages 15+)
Tolkien was always clear that the Lord of the Rings was meant to be set in a real world environment, even with its elves, hobbits, dwarves, orcs, trolls, etc. So, I find that some historical novels do a great job getting at the feeling of the LOTR, probably because they are based on a world that human beings have been building for many thousands of years. Lawhead's re-imagining of the Arthur legend is well-worth reading.
7. The Chronicles of Prydain - Lloyd Alexander (Ages 9+)
These books based on Welsh myths have a LOTR feel at several points, with a cuter, gentler Gollum-type character. Highly underrated. The 12 year old Quincy was thrilled to find these with a LOTR craving after finishing the Tolkien omnibus.
8. The Scions of Shannara - Terry Brooks (Ages 13+)
Slightly older Quincy was thrilled to find these books. I find some of the Shannara books that Brooks has written to be derivative of Tolkien, but this series has plenty of originality and some good world-building. I highly enjoyed them.
9. The Buried Giant - Kazuo Ishiguro (Ages 14+)
This book has heavy metaphor, but the metaphor is beautiful (I honestly think about it almost daily), and it has dragons and plenty of fantasy elements.
10. Harry Potter Series - J.K. Rowling (Ages 12+)
Rowling built a beautiful world under-girded with Christian morality. The issue of magic is important to keep in mind, but I think she keeps it effectively separate from the Satanic magic that actually exists in the world. If it offends you conscience, however, don't read it.
11. The Cadfael Chronicles - Ellis Peters (Ages 14+)
Amazing mysteries containing romance, swashbuckling sword fights, and a beautiful world of history. Also, Brother Cadfael shows us the heart of Jesus in how he responds to every situation.
12. Bloodstone Chronicles - Bill Myers (Ages 10+)
Highly allegorical, but very clever, original and fun for teens. I don't know that anything helped me understand the atonement of Jesus better than the second book in this series, and I think about the lessons of the last book in the series constantly.
13. The Trilogy - Henryk Sienkiewicz (Ages 14+)
It's dense, but there is a lot to like about these novels diving into the history of Poland's people. Romance, battles, good and evil. I need to re-read them when I have the chance
14. The Once and Future King - T.H. White (Ages 12+)
This is another great re-telling of the story of King Arthur, a story with which Tolkien was familiar. Archimedes the owl was a genius addition.
15. The Redwall Series by Brian Jacques (Ages 11+) - Jacques does a great job building a world and giving you characters to love. The series gets a bit repetitive, but definitely hits LOTR-type notes! Check it out!
16. King Raven Trilogy - Stephen Lawhead (Ages 13+)
I've always loved the Robin Hood legend, and Lawhead places it in its most realistic historical context here, and gives some good spiritual lessons to go with it. As always, he can write a stirring adventure with the best of them.
17. Earthsea Cycle - Ursula K. Le Guin (Ages 11+)
Le Guin built a beautiful world here, and the plot, but the characters are a bit shallow for me.
18. Wings of Dawn - Sigmund Brower (Ages 10+)
A great standalone adventure. I HIGHLY recommend it, and it has some great spiritual themes.
19. The Dun Cow Trilogy - Walter Wangerin, Jr. (Ages 12+)
A very unique allegory about the redemption of Christ as seen in the animal kingdom.

I will continue to add to this list as I explore other works of fantasy/historical/science fiction that remind me of the Lord of the Rings.

A Parable of My Life

At a Biblical Imagination conference, I was challenged to write a parable for my life. What I wrote turned out to be more an allegory than anything else. Here it is:

My life is like an at-bat with one-out in the bottom of the ninth in a championship game. My team is down by a run with chances at ultimate victory slipping quickly from our grasp. I come up to the plate, but I’m facing the most intimidating pitcher in the game. His fastball blazes in with incredible speed and unerring accuracy. His curveball drops with terrifying and humiliating deception. The crowd filling the stadium around me waits with uneasy anticipation, fearing even to hope that my meager abilities are a match for this buzz-saw force, at whose feet countless of his enemy batters had fallen. I dig into the batter’s box, blurring the marks that outline the rules for this encounter, knowing I need every possible benefit of the doubt to have the chance. Before I know it, the first pitch pounds the catcher’s mitt, a strike. The umpire marks me down for the first sign of my impending failure, the count against me now indicating that all my strengths, talents and abilities will not be enough to survive this battle.

I try to remember every piece of advice I’ve been given. I draw on every ounce of heart and courage I’ve acquired. I let the love of the fans, my teammates, my wife Chelsea and my family give me a confidence I don’t really feel inside. WHAP! Strike two. I stand virtually condemned. My eyes have failed me. I’d seen that pitch as high and my perception is clearly off. The umpire has no mercy, nor do I deserve any. If I fail to swing, I deserve to be sent below, to the dugout, unable to achieve victory by my own strength. I make up my mind that I will swing on this next pitch, I’m not going to go down without a fight. As the unstoppable force opposing me delivers his next pitch, I prepare to deliver all my force to punish the ball, only to realize that it’s a hard curveball thrown too far inside. I quickly try to check my swing, to undo what I have done, as the ball bears in on my hands. Pain shouts in my brain as the ball glances off my hand, and immediately the catcher appeals to the first base umpire, shouting, “He swung!” I bow my head, knowing that I had certainly swung and canceled out my chance to reach base through a hit-by-pitch. I glance up to see confirmation of my defeat, only to see the first-base umpire’s “Safe!” signal. Somehow, I was going to first, not of my own merit, but because of the grace of an unexpectedly lax law-keeper, giving me and my team undeserved life. The protests of the catcher and the buzz-saw on the mound are to no avail. The authority of mercy trumps all, and I find myself on first base, still with a chance to find my way home.

The batter after me is the driving force of our team, Clete “the Ghost” Haggio. The Ghost is the driving force of our team. He encourages everyone, he’s always willing to give advice or share resources. Amazingly, he has been my teammate since Little League, drafted the same time as me to the same team, and has accompanied me all the way during my climb through the minors. The Ghost has always been cheering for me and strengthening me when I doubted myself. I know exactly what he will do and as soon as the pitcher delivers, I break for second base. The Ghost’s perfectly-placed bunt leaves the third-baseman no choice but to throw to first as I slide safely into scoring position. The Ghost’s incredible speed is not quite enough this time; the third-baseman makes an amazing play to get him. My friend, constant counselor, my encourager has submitted himself for the good of the team to give us hope.

The pitcher growls as he receives a new ball. While frustrated, he is confident in his ability to overcome these unforeseen developments. With two outs, our chances are still slim, our doom still imminent. As Joshua Christo steps to the plate, I give him a quick salute. Born to immigrant parents in Bethlehem, Pennyslvania, Josh was discovered as a late bloomer while playing his senior year at Nazareth College, and he worked steadily in the minor league system for a while, developing as a catcher known for his adept handling of pitchers and umpires.  He has always seemed far more interested in the success of his teammates than his own, constantly pointing to our value, perpetually reminding us of the victory possible for us together with him leading our club. The only hope we have now is that Josh will intervene. I take my lead from second, doing everything in my power to put myself in a position to let Josh pull through. The pitcher wastes no time in delivering a 100-mph heater for a strike. Then, the second pitch, a curveball, hits the dirt, and bounces to the backstop. I break for third and find myself 90 feet from home, through no skill of my own. This game has brought me to within a few steps of unimaginable joy, yet I cannot do anything now to get to the Promised Land. I watch as Josh swings over a curveball for strike two.

Now, I am resigned to our fate. Even if I scored, we wouldn’t win the game, just tie and hope for a miraculous win in extra innings. The best that luck, talent, education and the rules could get me was a tie, a postponement of eventual defeat. My hopes rested entirely on the shoulders of Josh – Josh who was only on this team because he cared so much about us. He had gathered national attention for donating his entire salary to local homeless shelters and migrant communities. And, yet, all that goodness would not provide him any advantage against this closer of doom on the mound. I held my breath for the final pitch. Joshua Christo swung and connected. The ball flew out towards the fence, and delirious happiness began to break like a sunrise across my mind. From as good as dead in a two-strike count to victorious life, Josh had hammered that pitch into the seats, a two-run shot to win the game and bring me safely home.

Best Costume Award: A Halloween Poem

Best Costume Award.
The time has come to mask yourself.
Disguised as goblin, gnome or elf,
Patrol the streets and ask for treats.
Expect a fright and make a sight
That chills the feet and leaves heartbeats
To race in spite of lighted night.
But, for a cloak that won’t be seen,
Dress up as me for Halloween.

Though I’m not famed like Superman -
Both myth and wealth have yet to pan -
Tell I to you of all that’s true:
My front’s the best to stop a guess.
My gaze can fool and hands pull wool
O’er eyes - I dress to hide the mess
Inside the man – oh you’d be keen
To dress as me for Halloween.

Won’t find my hide inside a shop -
You’ll have to rush, I mean, don’t stop
To find a place that sells a face
That screens a soul of pain and strife
As joy. I’ll praise without a trace
Of true belief that comes from life.
What lurks beneath this look, this sheen?
Go out as me for Halloween.

Let’s look for ways to shed these scales
To stop this show, to drop these veils.
Refuse to come as white-washed tombs.
Instead we’ll find our cups and minds
Are clean as rooms that knew no dooms
Placed down by signs of sin and binds.
I’ll not pretend, here’s what I mean -
I won’t dress as me for Halloween.

Five Reasons Christians Should Read Khaled Hosseini

I've just finished reading "A Thousand Splendid Suns" by Afghan-American author, Khaled Hosseini. This is the last of his three novels I've read, and I've been impressed with him as an author, a theologian and a person. I want to take this opportunity to share with you five reasons to give his books a try, specifically if you are a follower of Jesus:

1. His books preach tolerance, compassion and empathy without being preachy. The number one rule of writing is "show, don't tell" and Hosseini is an expert at letting his character's actions speak the words of life for which our world is in desperate need. It can get a little exhausting to read of abuse after abuse perpetrated against Afghanistan's women and marginalized, but there's little doubt of the accuracy of Hosseini's portrayals.

2. Reading a Hosseini novel shows the beauty as well as the darkness in Islam. I am frustrated by Christians who believe that Islam is an entirely evil religion. Islam is a false religion, of course, because it does not proclaim the word of God whose name is love in Jesus. But, it does not mean that it doesn't also contain truth and beauty at many points. As they say, a broken clock is still right twice a day. Hosseini's books provide great connection points for Christians trying to find common ground and understanding with Muslims - and if you're not trying for that, you SHOULD be.

3. Hosseini's books are not anti-American in any form. He shows the tragedies committed in Afghanistan without passing judgment on the political entities involved. With that said, certainly the U.S. DOES need called to account for its actions in Afghanistan at certain points, and you could glean some insight into the problems we've caused there in his books.

4. The books are a good mix of drama, introspection and fantasy. My favorite is his latest, "And the Mountains Echoed," which has become one of my most beloved books. However, his earliest and best-known book, "Kite Runner," is certainly just as worthy of a read.

5. Hosseini is writing today, he's writing well, and he's writing in a way that will expand your mind and open your heart. That is what all good art, especially fiction, can do. Give him a shot!

Reading Dostoyevsky: Thoughts on his novel "Demons" translated by Pevear and Volokhonsky

As I read and reread Dostoyevsky, I finished reading his novel called "Demons" also sometimes titled "The Possessed." The book is an especially fascinating read in light of later works such as Solzhenitsyn's Gulag, First Circle and Cancer Ward, as well as Orwell's classics Animal Farm and 1984, as it's clear that Dostoyevsky saw the fatal flaws at the core of the socialist movement beginning in Russia in the late nineteenth century. However, Dostoyevsky's treatment of the movement stands the test of time as it speaks in relevant and powerful tones regarding modern political movements from both the right and the left that subscribe to societal programming, communal initiatives and social revolution to bring meaning and order to life. Dostoyevsky argues that in these movements lurk demons which destroy movements and societies by ordering their desires and efforts toward self, thereby disordering their aims toward debauchery and licentious behavior. Instead, Dostoyevsky believes that Jesus must cast the demons out of humanity and free them to live into the wholeness God has created within them.

Though it is long, the novel is well worth the read, full of humor, intrigue, intellect, and even some horror. I can't help but wonder how different Russia might have looked had they taken the warnings Dostoyevsky penned to heart, and I also wonder how his words might be applied to our various political fads of today.

Some notable quotes from the novel follow (note that these are quotes from the perspective of characters in the novel, and do not necessarily reflect Dostoyevsky's views or main points):
"You may be sure that all those who cease to understand their people and lose their connection with them, at once, in the same measure, also lose the faith of their fathers, and become either atheists or indifferent." - p. 38

"The more socialist a man is, the further he goes, the more he loves property. ...Why is that?" - p. 77

"God is the pain of the fear of death. He who overcomes pain and fear will himself become God. ...He who only kills himself to kill fear will at once become God." - p. 115-116

"They must find out that they're good, then they'll all become good at once, all, to a man." - p. 238

"Nations are formed and move by another ruling and dominating force, whose origin is unknown and inexplicable. This force is the force of the unquenchable desire to get to the end, while at the same time denying the end. It is the force of a ceaseless and tireless confirmation of its own being and a denial of death." - p. 250

"Acquire God by labor. The whole essence is there, or else you'll disappear like vile mildew." - p. 255

"Every man is worth an umbrella." - p. 270

"If your God found it necessary to offer a reward for love, it means your God is immoral." - p. 397

"Desire and suffering are for us; for our slaves there will be no desires." - p. 418

"Mankind can live without the Englishman, it can live without Germany, it can live only too well without the Russian man, it can live without science, without bread, and it only cannot live without beauty, for then there would be nothing at all to do in the world!" - p. 486

"It has always seemed to me that you would bring me to some place where there lives a huge, evil spider, as big as a man, and we would spend our whole life there looking at him and being afraid. That's how our mutual love would pass." - p. 525

"Something unusual, altogether unexpected, trembled in his soul. Three years of separation, three years of broken marriage, had dislodged nothing from his heart. And perhaps every day of those three years he had dreamed of her, the dear being who had once said to him: 'I love you.'" - p. 569

"God, when he was creating the world, said at the end of each day of creation: 'Yes, this is true, this is good.' This... this is not tenderheartedness, but simply joy. You don't forgive anything, because there's no longer anything to forgive. You don't really love - oh, what is here is higher than love! What's most frightening is that it's so terribly clear, and there's such joy. If it were longer than five seconds - the soul couldn't endure it, and would vanish. In those five seconds I live my life through, and for them I would give my life, because it's worth it. To endure ten seconds one would have to change physically." - p. 590

On Children: "There were two, and suddenly, there's a third human being, a new spirit, whole, finished, such as doesn't come from human hands; a new thought and a new love, it's even frightening... and there's nothing higher in the world!" - p. 593

"This generation must be re-educated to make it worthy of freedom. There are still many thousands of Shatovs [innocent murder victims] ahead of us." - p. 607

"Without Christ, the whole planet with everything on it is madness only. There has not been one like Him before or since, not ever, even to the point of miracle. This is the miracle, that there has not been and never will be such a one. And if so, if the laws of nature did not pity even This One, did not pity even their own miracle,  but made Him to live amidst a lie and die for a lie, then the whole planet is a lie, and stands upon a lie and a stupid mockery." - p. 618

"For years I have been searching for the attribute of my divinity, and I have found it: the attribute of my divinity is - Self-will! ...I kill myself to show my insubordination and my new fearsome freedom." - p. 619

"God is necessary for me if only because He is the one being who can be loved, eternally..." - p. 663

"Even if you do not attain to reconciliation with yourself and forgiveness of yourself, even then He will forgive you for your intention and for your great suffering... for there are no words or thoughts in human language to express all the ways and reasons of the Lamb 'until his ways are openly revealed to us.' Who can embrace Him who is unembraceable, who can grasp the whole of Him who is infinite?" - p. 711